I Can't Put You In A Box

Having gone to bed at around 11PM last night, I expected to be in deep sleep until morning. But I woke up and saw that it was still 3AM. Maybe it's a body clock thing, or maybe it was the coffee I drank late at work, but I find that it is always around that time that God wakes me up to pray for specific people, strangers I can picture in my heart, or His other children scattered all over the world. It is also around that time that He just wants me to spend time with Him. How do I know? Because His name is always the first thing I utter when I wake up, and His presence gets so tangible in my room.

Regarding my previous entry, I should tell you that right after I posted it, the Lord rebuked me, letting my heart realize that I did not know Him, and I was in trouble. I believe He did show me different sides of His character all through my life, but I was quick to acknowledge His loving kindness, and just as quick to ignore or resent His just nature.

So when I woke up at 3AM, I got to think about God's presence in my life. Over these years and especially these recent months, He allowed me to experience different responses towards Him. I had gone through being insecure about His love for me, being deeply in love and devoted to Him, questioning His reality, being indifferent about Him, being in awe of His glory and power, being afraid of Him, being angry at Him, and even to the point of hating Him - in that order.

But what shook me up the most was the realization that I did not really know Him, and even if I did know bits and bobs, I did not really understand.

Well, I had to admit to God and myself that I had always secretly harbored confusion about His character. In my mind I had, over the years, asked questions like, how could He be like this and that at the same time?

And having openly confessed my confusion to Him, I asked Him to reveal the truth of His character to me.

I may never entirely understand Him in this lifetime, but I pray that He will teach my heart to trust. And so, in addition to the race set out before me, God has caused me to embark on a new journey of getting to know His nature.

And just so you know, He wouldn't let me sleep again until after I prayed for specific people in my life. Oh, Lord :) Well, I am honored.

God bless you all!